you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
