well I can't set my house on fire every night
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
