If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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