I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
