I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
