I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
