I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
