..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
