i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
