i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
