He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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