youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
