Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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