you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
