yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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