I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Are my feet made of real feet?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Randomize
