from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
