i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
