Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
