Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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