Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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