Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
