Sry I called you an 8
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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