Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
