You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
