Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
