He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Life without a bra equals bliss.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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