I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
