I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
