forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
