I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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