I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
