I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
