She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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