apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
