There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
