You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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