White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
There are leaves in my underwear?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
