6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
