bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
