alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
