I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
