the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
