Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
