he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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