I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize