That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
