Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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