I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
