Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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