What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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