Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
