a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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