tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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