Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize