My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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