i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
