I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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