i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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