So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
