Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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