wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
