I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize