I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Can you repeat that, but with context?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
