i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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