So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
