I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
