The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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