I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
