It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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