Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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