a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
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