census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
