shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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