i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
