Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I have already put on my inside pants.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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