the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
