I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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