just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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