Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
