I wanna passion pit in your ass
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
