ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
