yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
