thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
