Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The power of my boobs compel you
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
