grandma shit on top of the toilet
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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