I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
