That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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