Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
