Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You're a waste of cheezeits
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
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